I always have goals for my life – a metaphorical there to reach. Usually the details are
not too specific, but the overall destination is important, for example
finishing college (while not passionate about any particular major), getting a
good job (that I really liked, hopefully), getting and staying married,
continuing to learn (many things!), becoming a mom, etc. While I do like being
in control of things, I’m also not a very disciplined person, so I tend to try
to head fearlessly in the direction of my dreams, flying by the seat of my
procrastinating pants most of the time.
And I’m always looking to the trailblazers. Growing up, I’d
never seen a clergywoman, so I never imagined myself where I am now. But when
we moved to Texas
and I got a job as a secretary at a United Methodist church, I saw clergywomen
doing what God called them to do. And I was inspired! Perhaps you could be a
wife, mom, amazing woman and pastor. I was finally able to see what God had
intended where before I had been blind to the opportunity.
In the ordination process, a whole new set of destinations
were created for me – inquiring, exploring, declared and certified candidate (I
know I’m dating myself here), seminary admission, completion, and graduation
(preferably with some sort of honors), commissioning and ordination amidst the
topsy-turvy process in itself of appointments. So I set out for there.
Sometime in seminary, a friend invited me to the clergywomen’s
group that met for lunch. It was so amazing to see all these women, varied and
beautiful and wise, who had all made it there.
They talked about appointments, General Conference, the history of women in
ministry in our conference. They reflected on holding the hands of the dying,
the baby being baptized, and the Bible as they preached. They were amazing and
I was grateful for these embodied glimpses of there.
So, as I posted earlier, I was recently at another one of these clergywomen’s
lunches. I was running a bit late and as I entered, juggling a fast food lunch
and drink and purse while fumbling with the door knob, I looked for those
familiar wise and gracious faces. I saw them, but it was different – well,
there were my friends and compatriots from seminary – and over there was the
pastor from the church nearby who organizes local clergy get-togethers – but I
was missing the women I had seen when I first came to these lunches. Where were
the women who were there?
We went around the tables, introducing ourselves, and as we
applauded those who had just been passed for commissioning and ordination, my
mind startled in realization. I was there!
Could it really be? I took stock – yup, I’m an honest-to-goodness elder in full
connection doing hands-on ministry that’s a blessing and a challenge each and
every day. Oh, and I’m actually serving on the clergywomen’s leadership team. I’m
there. When did that happen?
The night I was ordained, the bishop laid hands on my head,
praying the Spirit’s blessing on me, as I knelt in heels and my clergy robe, and
then had a stole draped over my shoulders my two of the pastors I admire most
as my mother and husband stood nearby. I smiled and talked with my friends
afterwards, then drove home to change into my pajamas, wash the dishes, and go
to bed, ready for another day of conference business the next day. It’s not as
glamorous as what some of my friends did, so maybe I need to be better about
celebrating it when I get there. But,
honestly, there doesn’t look all that
different once you’re there. It’s just another day to love life and live it
fully.
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